BREAKING NEWS-: Arjun Singh announces new reservation policy for meritorious upper class students...

From-: Private Secretary
of Cabinet Minister,
Ministry of HRD,
Govt of India,
New Delhi

Ladies& Gentlemen and fellow countrymen,

The Cabinet Minister ( Mr. Arjun Singh) is deeply appalled and saddened by the protest against his reservation drive both in private sector as well as institutions of higher learning.

While the minister is adamant on his decision, to pacify the meritorious and upper caste students, he is pleased to announce a new reservation policy for them too….

In this new policy, our beloved minister has made sure that while he gets all the votes due to the earlier policy, the meritorious and poor upper caste students, should also get a decent job in future.

Here is a draft policy,

1.) All those upper class students having more than 90% marks in graduation, and monthly income less than 10000 rupees of their household will have 75% reservation in local municipality for the post of sweepers.
Minister has promised that inspite of his party not in power in most of the municipalities in the country, he will fight tooth and nail to ensure that this proposal is passed.

2.)All upper class students having marks more than 95% in graduation, will automatically qualify for the post of watchman in local municipal councils.
Since this is a tough job, Minister has made the medical test mandatory, this will also ensure that no such situation arises where, municipality is able to provide one watchman for every single building in the city.

3.) Minister was deeply saddened by the behaviour of the MBBS students. So far he was under the impression that only politicians are rude and rowdy. A special concessions to all those who score more than 70% marks in MBBS and have more than 75% marks in MD entrance exam, can go to any government veterinary clinic in the country and can do their PG and practice there. A stipend of Rs. 1750 per month will be provided to them, and a further Rs.500 if they sign the undertaking of cleaning the clinic twice everyday of cowdung and excreta.
. They will have all the rights to operate any animal brought their for inspection.

Minister believes this will dramatically improve the health of the bovine population of India and curtail the shortage of Vets in the country.

4.) For all those engineers who score more than 70% in graduation , will be given a one time grant of Rs. 900 to open a Bicycle repair shop in the city of their choice.
Minister has put in one clause though that one engineer’s shop should be outside a radius of half square km from the other.
Further surprise checks will be done to ensure that shops are running and no one has emblazoned the Rs. 900.

5.) For all the MBA grads from general quota who score more than 70% will automatically qualify for the job of “Office Boy”. The number of “Office boys” needed in a corporate to be jointly decided by a govt committee and the corporate.
Minister has solicited full co-operation from CII and FICCI in this regard and was last seen talking to corporate honchos to estimate their requirement.

Minister has expressed full faith that after these 5 new reservation proposals are announced the anguish, dissention, pain and anger of meritorious upper class students will melt away, just like the accusation on him of emblazoning billions.
Finally he is confident that he wont be known only as the saviour of backward class but also as the only one, who brought reservation for the upper class students.

Undersigned
For Cabinet Minister

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